Death of an RPG Merchant
by BlackRockWaifu
Summary: The third act has arrived! After being blamed for the death of a salesman during the annual Gamindustri celebration, Neptune's title as CPU is on the verge of being passed on to Nepgear and Plutia! In order to prove she wasn't responsible for the murder, Neptune travels to Lastation to get help from Noire. (A Play: Three Acts) By Arthur Millenep. Hyperdimension Neptunia
1. Act 1

Death of an RPG Merchant

 **ACT ONE: SCENE ONE**

 _The Planeptune Basilicom is illuminated by the fading orange rays of the setting sun. Neptune and her friends are hard at work finishing up their preparations for tomorrow's big event, before nighttime. There, we see Neptune, our protagonist in her signature purple and white hoodie dress, and Plutia, Neptune's friend in adorably light colored cotton shirt and skirt. They are being ordered around by non-other than the Basilicom's oracle, Histoire, a tiny fairy-like girl sitting on top of a book, throwing out commands for everyone to pack their belongings. Hard at work and no need for orders is Nepgear, Neptune's younger sister, who dresses and looks a little more sophisticated than Neptune. Upstairs are IF and Compa, Neptune's friends and fellow residents of the Basilicom, taking care of Peashy, the youngest of the residents. After a full day of work, Neptune and Plutia lay exhausted on the couch._

PLUTIA: ( _Tired and laying flat on the couch with her hands stretched high_ ) Ohhh… *yawn* I'm pooped Neppy!

NEPTUNE: ( _Also laying out on the couch_ ) So am I Plutie, but the big day is tomorrow! Um… what's the big day again?

PLUTIA: I dunno.

HISTOIRE: How many times must I remind you!? v.v Tomorrow is the annual Gamindustri celebration, celebrating the anniversary of our game series! ^.^ Most of the NPCs will be there, characters you may have met in the past, and it is mandatory for every CPU and main character to go! *.*

NEPGEAR: ( _Popping up from the back_ ) Yeah guys, characters will travel from the different dimensions, all going to Celestia for the big celebration!

NEPTUNE: ( _Tilting her head_ ) Sooo… I'm guessing we have to go too?

HISTOIRE: ( _Crossing her arms_ ) That's right, no excuses! V,V Especially given the importance of your character! '.'

NEPTUNE: Geez, I like the main character status and everything but do I really, really have to? I don't like big events like this y'know… sometimes I'd rather not have the main character title… actually forget I said that…

PLUTIA: How about me? I'm not THAT important am I? I mean, I only came later in the series!

HISTOIRE: Yes you are! =.= Everyone is! v_v Especially given that you were playable, other lesser characters and villains can choose whether they go or not though. v.v I still recommend everyone make an appearance due to the importance of this event! T.T

PLUTIA: Well… I'm kind of a villain… sorta… Do I reeeeallly have to go?

NEPGEAR: ( _Energetically_ ) C'mon guys, it'll be fun!

NEPTUNE: ( _With her hands stretched out_ ) What are you so uppity about Nep Jr.? Do you really crave attention that badly? Is that why you are trying so hard to prepare for this? If you wanted some attention just come over here!

NEPGEAR: ( _Looking down_ ) No! That's not it… I think… it'll just be cool to see so many familiar faces… and that kinda hurt coming from you…

HISTOIRE: Chop Chop everyone! O.O We have to finish up the preparations soon! ^.^ Everyone needs a good night's sleep for tomorrow. -_- And don't be late! !.! I'll be there early to finish up the last touches, so I'll leave a portal open for you at the front yard, should take approximately 3 minutes. ^.^

IF: ( _Walking down the steps_ ) Well, we finally got Peashy to take a little nap.

COMPA: ( _Following IF_ ) Mhm, let's finish the packing!

IF: ( _Looking around in disbelief_ ) Jeez, you guys haven't gotten anything down since we went up! Everything looks the same!

NEPGEAR: ( _Raising her hand slightly_ ) Um… I kind of packed a lot… over in this corner… all by myself…

NEPTUNE: ( _Lazily getting of the couch_ ) Everyone's so excited for some reason… I can't seem to bring myself to do anything…

PLUTIA: Me neither! What does this event have going for me anyway? Neptune Teddy Bear Punching Bags?

NEPTUNE: Um… actually that would be an additional reason we shouldn't go Plutie…

COMPA: Well, since so many people from all over the nations are gathering, there will be really cool shops and stands! Unique and exotic foods! And rare merchandise!

IF: Might pick up some level 50 daggers myself.

COMPA: Uh, is that really the first thing you thought of? And don't think you're level 50 yet Iffy…

IF: ( _Embarrassed_ ) H-Hey! How would you know what level I am anyway!

NEPTUNE: Okay, well this got a little interesting, maybe I do kinda, wanna, maybe go…

PLUTIE: Neptune Teddy Bear Punching Bags here I come!

HISTOIRE: Hurry everyone let's go, finish up! V_V Compa finish packing those snacks! v.v IF, put those emergency diapers for Peashy in that bag! V.V Nepgear, hurry and pack all my books into that suitcase! ^.^ Neptune, go and… and… try to look useful! o_O" And Plutia… just… um… nothing… -_-

 **ACT ONE: SCENE TWO**

 _It is the next morning, as Neptune and her friends have arrived in Celestia, the sanctuary that binds the dimensions together. The place looks like an island floating in the clouds, and there are bright streams of light and decorations to mark the celebrations. It is crowded, with many familiar faces having arrived. Different people are conversing, walking around, shopping, taking pictures, and even sparring around the scene. Neptune and her friends arrive by a portal at the front entrance of the festival._

NEPTUNE: ( _Looking around the place_ ) Whoa-ho-ho, look at this place, not only are we treated with being on a floating island, but look at all these lights flying around! OOH! That one got a little too close…

PLUTIA: ( _Looking around at the lights_ ) Oooo! Wow, they're so pretty!

IF: They look like fireworks, but in the daytime, how did Histoire manage to do it?

COMPA: Probably magic or something… Peashy do you like it?

PEASHY: Mhm! They're awesome! But where's all the food!? I'm hungry…

IF: Geez already? Okay, let's all get a quick bite to eat.

NEPTUNE: Wait, let's explore a little first. I never thought I'd say this but I don't really have an appetite right now.

PLUTIA: Me neither! Where are those punching bags at!?

NEPGEAR: Why don't you guys go, I'll watch over these two.

IF: Um, I guess. Okay, why don't Compa and I take Peashy to grab a little bite to eat, and you guys can go explore a bit, we'll meet later when we're done.

NEPGEAR: Okay, just don't get lost in the crowds.

IF: ( _Leading Peashy and Compa to the food stands_ ) We won't, you just make sure those two don't get in to any trouble.

NEPGEAR: ( _Waving bye to Peashy_ ) I'll try…

PLUTIA: ( _Walking off on her own_ ) Wow, there's sooooo many people here!

NEPGEAR: ( _Calling after Plutia_ ) W-Wait… already… wait up for me!

NEPTUNE: ( _Looking a little farther away_ ) Yeah, a lot of baddies whose asses we kicked a while back are here too! Like look at that lady in purple, uh… I think her name was… Ar… Arr… Arrr… Arrfork? Yeah, Arrfork, that's probably it. Actually, on second thought, probably not, since she's giving me the evil eye now… ooo… don't look, she's really giving me the mean stare now! She actually heard me from all the way over there!?

NEPGEAR: Neptune don't stare! Whoa… her gaze really does look cruel.

NEPTUNE: ( _Looking to the other side_ ) Oooo! Look at all those huge mechas over there, spikes and swords and etc. You must be wet over all that!

NEPGEAR: Um w-what… those are the CFWs… they don't look to happy to see me either, and I have a strange idea as to why… let's keep walking…

PLUTIA: ( _Looking off into the distance_ ) Hey look at that big 'ol robot! With spikey teeth!

NEPTUNE: Oooo! I remember him, his name has something to do with food… um… fried-pancakes or something, lemon-waffles, no… that's not it… some kinda paste…

NEPGEAR: You mean Copypasta?

NEPTUNE: Oooo! That's it!

NEPGEAR: Geez Neptune, that's awful, forgetting the name of an old enemy, although you forget about me a lot too…

PLUTIA: ( _Pointing ahead_ ) Hey, its Noire and Uni!

 _Noire and Uni, the sister CPUs of Lastation walk towards Neptune after noticing her. They both wear black dresses with ribbons and have black hair tied in pigtails. They look extremely similar, with Uni a bit nervous, following behind her older sister._

NOIRE: ( _Folding her arms across her chest_ ) I see you three finally made it. Took you long enough.

NEPTUNE: ( _Head leaning back_ ) Only three minutes. So Miss Goody Too-Shoes arrived early huh?

NOIRE: W-What are you-

PLUTIA: Wow Noire! That dress looks different, it's more shiny! And, uh… more Ele- Elegr- Elegren-…

NEPGEAR: Elegant.

NOIRE: ( _Blushing_ ) Haha, hey Plutia! Yeah, it's new for this special occasion, I have to impress everyone here! Show them that Lastation is the best nation!

NEPTUNE: Oooo! We got rhymes now, well here's one for you. "The best nation is Planeptune, because we… uh… we… look like the moon?"

NOIRE: Ugh, forget it…

NEPGEAR: ( _Off to the side with Uni_ ) Hi Uni!

UNI: ( _Smiling slightly_ ) Hey Nepgear! It's nice seeing you here. Um… N-Not that I was h-happy to see you or anything…

NOIRE: Hey cut that out! Just say you're happy to see her, geez you're making me look bad…

UNI: S-Sorry…

NOIRE: Don't apologize!

UNI: Um, I-

NOIRE: Nevermind. So, what are you three up to?

NEPTUNE: Probably going to walk around a bit, make fun of some of these baddies, like that Arrfork over there… hmm, where again? Oh there! Wait, don't look! …And maybe sign some autographs or something? Maybe buy some super-duper rare infinite stat gear!

PLUTIA: I want to try out some of the food here! And the Neptune Teddy Bear Punching Bags!

UNI: Okaaaaay… There's a lot of really special shops and stands opened for this occasion. A bunch of famous chefs and vendors from the different dimensions came to do some business, so there's definitely good food. There's this really nice ice cream stall down that lane also that you would probably enjoy Nepgear, not that I remembered you like chocolate ice cream or anything, or ice cream for that matter… never mind.

NEPGEAR: Cool, thanks! I'll remember to check it out later!

NOIRE: There's also a lot of really rare weapons and accessories for sale too, right down that street, some that you can only find in certain dimensions. If you keep going down to the end there, you'll see a huge blue tent, inside are probably the rarest weapons in Gamindustri! The stats on those swords were insane! I'll have to wait though, hate to ruin my image carrying a sword with me right now. This is an elegant and stylish occasion, the battle can resume later.

NEPTUNE: ( _Running off_ ) Alright! Time to net myself some serious loot! I'll see you two later!

NOIRE: ( _In disbelief_ ) She didn't listen to a word I said did she…

UNI: Considering that she's going in the complete opposite way, I'm guessing not one word…

NEPGEAR: ( _Chasing after her_ ) W-Wait! Wait for me Neptune! You're going the wrong way!

PLUTIA: ( _Staying behind_ ) I'm going to stay with you two! I don't wanna run anywhere…

NOIRE: Cool, good idea, better than running off with that goofball, let's just hope they don't get into any trouble…

PLUTIA: So… are you going to take me to the Noire Teddy Bear Punching Bags?

NOIRE: ( _Speechless_ ) …

UNI: L-Lets go walk around Plutia… I'll show you some sights…

* * *

NEPTUNE: ( _Running straight ahead_ ) C'mon Nep Jr. Hurry up, I don't wanna miss the- Yowch!

 _Neptune runs into a lady with white hair, and stumbles backwards to the floor_.

NEPTUNE: ( _Rubbing her head_ ) Ow… sorry about that, I wasn't looking… and hoowee lady, you are like a brick wall!

CIRI: ( _Holding out her hand_ ) It's okay, I'm sorry, are you hurt?

NEPTUNE: ( _Taking her hand and being helped up_ ) I'm fine but wow lady, I don't think I've seen you in any of my games before. You look a little… uh… polished… wait that's not a good word for it…

CIRI: Oh, my name is Cirilla, but you can call me Ciri for short. I'm not from around here, although you probably know that already.

NEPTUNE: So are you from like a game in-progress or something? What, is Vert getting a spinoff too? Is Neptunia getting a huge graphical overhaul or something? Next-gen perhaps?

CIRI: Huh? What are you…? No… You see…, I don't tell this to everyone, but I feel like I can trust you… for some strange reason. Well, to explain it simply, I can travel through space-time rifts, and when traveling I found a large influx of energy here, as well as a lot of open gaps as if someone else were traveling as well.

NEPTUNE: Whoa whoa whoa, slow down lady, err… Ciri, traveling through dimensions? What're you Histy?

CIRI: W-Who? Never mind, I just thought I'd take a little detour from my journey and explore a bit, I've chased around a lot lately, and I'm tired, and frankly, even a little depressed. But this place seems to cheer me up a little.

NEPTUNE: Well, it always cheers me up! Sometimes a little too much though…

CIRI: This place is so… different, everyone here is so short… and… so… happy?

NEPTUNE: Well, if you think this is weird, wait till you see… wait, nah, I won't spoil it for you.

CIRI: Well, I'd love to see more, but I have to leave soon, I wouldn't want to bring trouble to your dimension.

NEPTUNE: Oh. Oooo! Lemme guess, you're someone's waifu, and… and uh… and they're probably tearing up dimensions looking for you right now!

CIRI: W-W-Waifu? What? Your dimension speaks such a fascinating and distinguished native tongue. Well I got to go now, farewell, I have to be on my way, it was nice meeting you!

 _The ashen-haired, green-eyed young lady opens up a rift in space, and steps through. The gap then closes, leaving Neptune behind looking dumbfounded._

NEPTUNE: Okaaaaay… that really just happened, didn't it?

NEPGEAR: ( _Finally reaching Neptune_ ) *Huff* F-finally, I reached you… *Pant*

NEPTUNE: Wouldn't believe what I just saw, well I don't either actually.

NEPGEAR: Huh? Anyway, it's down that way, the blue tent!

NEPTUNE: Oh really? Cuz I wasn't listening to a word Noire was saying, she lost me after "what're you three doing here?"

NEPGEAR: ( _Walking down the street_ ) Okay…, let's just get going.

NEPTUNE: ( _Following Nepgear_ ) Sure.

 **ACT ONE: SCENE THREE**

 _Neptune and Nepgear arrive in front of the blue tent, which is massive, and hides everything inside from sight. It is lined with gold poles, and a large totem erects from the middle. There are many people entering and leaving, carrying weapons of all different sizes, shapes, and variety with them. The sign on the enormous tent reads "Weapon Shop of the Esteemed and Admired RPG Merchant" and the subheading reads "Weapons of all kind from a variety of different RPGs and Worlds."_

NEPTUNE: ( _Going inside the tent_ ) Wowza! Look at this place, weapons are on different stands everywhere, they are stacked to the roof! Swords, guns, spears, and uh… this weird looking, wiggly purple bat…

NEPGEAR: ( _Following Neptune inside_ ) Whoa, this place is huge! It looks even bigger inside! Look at this beam saber! Hmm… inscription reads… use the force… probably not for me.

NEPTUNE: ( _Looking at a giant weapon on the shelf_ ) Hey look at this thing, it looks like a giant cannon, err… "Mini Nuke Launcher" … No idea what a nuke is or why someone would want to launch it, and a mini version sounds delicious.

NEPGEAR: ( _Pulling Neptune away_ ) Don't think nukes are food Neptune…

NEPTUNE: ( _Walking off_ ) Why don't you go and do a little shopping on your own, I'll catch up with you later, lemme have a little look-see by myself first. Oh, and whatever you do, don't go by that weirdo over there with the hood who's opening his coat to anyone every time they approach.

NEPGEAR: ( _Walking away_ ) Okay, don't get into any trouble either, I'll see you in a bit.

NEPTUNE: ( _Turning her attention to the shelves stocked with weapons_ ) Okay, lemme see whatchu got in stock for me, hmm, a steel chair?

 _A girl wearing a large and fashionable gothic dress passes by Neptune, and then stands next to her, looking at the shelf as well. She flashes Neptune a smug glance, then looks back at the shelves._

NEPTUNE: Hey little girl! What's your problem! You've got quite the attitude missy, looking at me like that, then quickly looking away!

RACHEL: Little? Hah! Your quick misunderstanding already taught me having a conversation with you would be absolutely pointless. In fact, I am probably a thousand fold your age.

NEPTUNE: Okay, whatever you say, you dummy gothic loli. I'm pretty old too, although I don't look it.

RACHEL: W-What? Why does everyone!? Don't you ever dare call me that again! And unlike some people, I actually age with wisdom.

NEPTUNE: You're definitely not from around here are you, with your awkward sounding British accent, whatever British means anyway…

RACHEL: Just the tone of your voice already reminds me of someone else, an imbecile, who also speaks very rashly.

NEPTUNE: Um… that's probably an insult isn't it… Well, you remind me of Blanc, and trust me, that's probably not the best person to be associated with.

RACHEL: ( _Turning away_ ) Ugh, I have no more time to waste here with you, I thought visiting the "Esteemed Merchant" would be slightly appealing, but it seems though that I have stepped foot in a dimension not worth any of my time. What an utterly pointless waste of my precious time.

NEPTUNE: Okay rabbit, if you're so uptight about this, then get on your high heels and move to somewhere else. Preferably, the poopy dimension… err… or whatever.

RACHEL: ( _With her hand over her mouth_ ) *Gasp* Oh my! You really are like him! Well I shan't waste one more second of my time here.

 _The girl's umbrella turns into a cat, then opens up a portal to which she steps through, with a final "Hmph!" coming through before closing._

NEPTUNE: Geez, another one, what's next…

ELIZABETH: ( _Gracefully running past Neptune_ ) Velvet… Oh Velvet…

NEPTUNE: ( _In disbelief_ ) Um… gonna ignore that…

 _Suddenly, an old man wearing dirty dark robes, and carrying a large book appears behind Neptune._

MERCHANT: ( _In an old, raspy voice_ ) Well well well, who do we have here? If it isn't one of the CPUs. Neptune of Planeptune.

NEPTUNE: Huh? Omigosh, it's an actual old man! Not just a silhouette, but a live person with actual pixels! Mr. Badd would be proud. How'd you know who I was anyway?

MERCHANT: I travel the different dimensions, far and wide, in order to gather my collection of the rarest weapons. Plus, I also heard you talking to your sister when you walked in.

NEPTUNE: So… I heard you got some preeeeetty nice weapons here huh?

MERCHANT: For the right price then, yes, I do.

NEPTUNE: Any really rare, super-duper high stat ones? Oooo! I want one with a hidden special ability… uh… One Hit Kill! Wait, err… 100x EXP per kill! Better look cool too!

MERCHANT: ( _Clearing his through_ ) *Ahem* Umm… maybe I should explain it to you properly first. These are highly sought for weapons, I've entered into other dimensions and collec-

NEPTUNE: ( _Interrupting_ ) Yeah yeah yeah, get on with it! So what do you have in stock?

MERCHANT: ( _Annoyed_ ) Hmph! So impatient! Very well then, I have the famed, excaliber!

NEPTUNE: Excali-hoo-hah? Sounds kinda lame…

MERCHANT: How about, the demon slayer, Kurikara, the gate of Gehenn-

NEPTUNE: ( _Impatient_ ) *Yawn* Geez, geezer, you're boring me with all these descriptions, are your dull words a weapons too? If they are, they work pretty well.

MERCHANT: ( _Angry_ ) How dare you!? What do you expect, the Infinity Gauntlet!?

NEPTUNE: Nah, I'm more of a swords kinda gal.

MERCHANT: ( _Furious_ ) Oh I have had it, leave here at once!

NEPTUNE: ( _Playfully apologetic_ ) Heeeeey, wait, okay okay, I'm sorry, just tell me what else you have.

MERCHANT: ( _Calming down a little_ ) *Sigh* Fine, I'll make an exception since you are the CPU. How about the buster sword?

NEPTUNE: Nah, too big, and boring, kinda like your speeches, okay okay, just kidding. Anything special? New? Never used, heard of, seen before?

MERCHANT: *Sigh* Well, I recently came across something… I haven't been able to verify the sources of it yet, and I don't usually sell anything before I do full resear-

NEPTUNE: ( _Rolling her eyes_ ) Okaaaaaay, tell me what it is already.

MERCHANT: ( _The old man pulls a sword from the seemingly bottomless under-pocket of his coat_ ) Here it is, the supposed eternal slayer, the long missing sword from the depths, Desiderata, the forgotten blade.

NEPTUNE: ( _Admiring the blade_ ) Duuuuude, that is probably worth it for just the title alone. How'd you pull it out of those pockets anyway?

MERCHANT: These pockets are lined with magic, they can direct me to my inventory at anytime.

NEPTUNE: Wow, that's pretty neat!

MERCHANT: So? What is it going to be?

NEPTUNE: ( _Looking to the left_ ) I'll take it! Uh by the way, that naked glowing blue guy with the dot and circle on his head has been looking at us for a while now. He got his dong sticking out too, can't stop being distracted by it. Go away dong, go away.

MERCHANT: Oh him? He is a doctor of some kind, had a few words with him earlier, strange fellow. Kept telling me to be careful, something bad might happen to me soon or something.

NEPTUNE: ( _Trying her best to put on her most adorable face_ ) So how much? Or am I so cute that you'll give it to me for free.

MERCHANT: Fat chance. It will be seven hundred and sixty three zongos.

NEPTUNE: Whoa, that's too much, even though I have no idea what the conversion from credits to zongos are. Are they anywhere near the conversion from credits to rupies, cuz I know that one like the back of my palm.

MERCHANT: Actually, I expect them to be closer to the conversion rate from credits to zenis instead.

NEPTUNE: ( _Confused_ ) Eh, not helping…

MERCHANT: ( _Lets Neptune hold the sword while taking a calculator from his seemingly never-ending pockets_ ) Okay, let's see here… credits… to koins… to RP… to clams… to souls… to gil… and finally, to zongos, approximately thirty eight million credits. These rates change every so often so, approximately, I won't be too "on the mark" about it.

NEPTUNE: ( _Playing around with the sword_ ) So… do they change by like thirty seven million… Awww, I really like this sword too.

MERCHANT: ( _Dodging_ ) OH! Watch it! You almost cut my head clean off! Well… I don't charge any tax, but since I am selling this blade without any previous research, I will offer it to you for a quarter of the price.

NEPTUNE: Oooo! Okay! I'll take it!

MERCHANT: Thank you. Now first thing to do-

NEPTUNE: ( _Throws him the sword_ ) Okay now, pack it up for me, wrap it up nicely, and I'll come for it later! Oh yeah, by the way, just charge it all off Histy's little itsy bitsy credit card! Bye!

MERCHANT: ( _Fumbling catching the sword while watching Neptune run off_ ) Oh my… what am I to do…

* * *

NEPTUNE: ( _Looking for Nepgear_ ) Nep Jr.! Where are you! Just when I didn't forget you, you go running off!

NEPGEAR: ( _From behind the shelf_ ) I'm here! What took you so long?

NEPTUNE: ( _Excited_ ) Well, I just bought some really cool and super awesome gear! Heh heh, I said gear…

NEPGEAR: ( _Worried_ ) Ummm… don't you think you should've consulted me first? Why so rash?

NEPTUNE: I saw it and… uh… it looked cool and stuff. Anyway it's on Histy's bill anyway. Don't think she minds all that much.

NEPGEAR: Actually I do think she minds… remember that time you charged all that candy on her-

NEPTUNE: Let's not get into that. So, what did you find?

NEPGEAR: Nothing much… a lot of weird people here…

NEPTUNE: Tell me about it, between miss gothic Lolita, and glowing man with blue dong, I don't know what to expect next…

NEPGEAR: ( _Waiting_ ) …

NEPTUNE: ( _Waiting_ ) …

NEPGEAR: Well, doesn't look like much…

 _Suddenly a loud bloodcurdling screech from the back is heard, and panic spreads everywhere under the tent. People are rushing and gathering in the back, and shouting is heard all over the place._

NEPTUNE: You spoke a teensy weensy bit too soon.

NEPGEAR: ( _Running towards the back_ ) Lets go check it out!

NEPTUNE: ( _Arriving at the scene_ ) Omigosh! It's the merchant, he's killed! Oh nooooooes…

NEPGEAR: Seriously…

RANDOM MAN #1: ( _Investigating_ ) Look! He's got a sword stabbed right through him! Someone must've killed him with it!

NEPTUNE: ( _Rolling her eyes back_ ) Wow… Sherlock Holmes is here too…

NEPGEAR: Neptune! This is serious!

RANDOM WOMAN #1: ( _Pointing to the corpse_ ) Look! That sword! It looks familiar! Probably one of the Merchant's rare weapons!

NEPTUNE: ( _Tilting her head back_ ) No kidding…

RANDOM KID #1: H-Hey! I think I saw the CPU talking to the Merchant and holding this weapon! She almost cut his head off!

 _Everyone besides Neptune gasps, even Nepgear._

NEPTUNE: ( _Looking around_ ) Uh… hey kid, aren't you a little too young to be here?

RANDOM OLD MAN #1: ( _Pointing to Neptune_ ) That's right lad! I remember her talking to the Merchant, and buying that weapon from him! I was eavesdropping! I heard everything!

NEPTUNE: No waaaaiii, I would never buy anything like that!

RANDOM BOY #1: ( _Picking up a ripped package_ ) Um… this label here says "Sword for delivery to CPU Neptune."

NEPTUNE: Um… doesn't mean I killed him or anything… I mean it doesn't even prove I bought it, maybe someone was gonna give it to me as a gift…

FLASH: ( _Zooming in all the sudden from a blur_ ) Aha! I just searched all his pockets, and I found this little note on this book. "Purchase by Neptune, CPU of Planeptune, Desiderata sword for ten million credits." I think that's our proof!

NEPTUNE: Um… weird dude wearing red spandex, with weird horns, and a really misfitting, out of place thunderbolt symbol on his chest… what're you even doing here. Plus, it doesn't even mean I used the sword…

RANDOM LADY #1: ( _Pulling a small machine out of her pocket_ ) Don't worry, I have a portable fingerprint scanner right over here, err… let's see… aha! The fingerprints match the CPU Neptune!

NEPTUNE: W-What!? Oh that's actually pretty cool though, I want one of those!

RANDOM GIRL#1: It's her! She killed the Merchant!

RANDOM OLD LADY #1: Oh my! Arrest her! Take her to prison!

RANDOM ELDERLY MAN#1: Down with the tyrants! Down with them all!

 **ACT ONE: SCENE FOUR**

 _It is in a waiting room in Celestia, and the only ones present are Histoire, Neptune, and Nepgear. Neptune is laid flat on the couch, while Nepgear stands at her side. Histoire is on a little cell phone making a call, then hangs up._

HISTOIRE: ( _Angry_ ) Oh you've done it now Neptune! V.V Everyone is on to you for what happened! v_v

NEPTUNE: Sorry! But I told you, I didn't do it! Tell her Nepgear!

NEPGEAR: ( _Staring downwards_ ) I-I, I don't know… You were with me… but… I told you not to get into trouble!

NEPTUNE: B-But I-

HISTOIRE: Save it Neptune! V,V I just got off the phone, and I think I could lessen the damage you have done to Planeptune's reputation, and possibly all of Gamindustri! *.*

NEPTUNE: Great! So I'm free!

HISTOIRE: Yes, free from all responsibility forever. o.o

NEPTUNE: Awesome! So now what?

HISTOIRE: Now you relinquish your title as CPU. O.O

NEPTUNE: Okay. Wait a minute… I meant… Whoa Whoa Whoa what!?

HISTOIRE: You heard me, after your little fiasco, the only way to guarantee everyone we don't have a murderer for CPU is to replace you! T.T

NEPTUNE: Um… News flash Histy, I've killed a lot before, how do you think I gain EXP and level up, doing "gathering stuff" quests every day? Plus, who're you gonna replace me with?

HISTOIRE: Well, that was different Neptune, that's killing monsters. O.o Not murdering someone in cold blood. "."

NEPTUNE: Well what about the Lowee guards we always killed, pretty sure they were human! Anyway, the Merchant triggered a death flag on himself anyway. Charging me that much for that sword, which I still don't have by the way. Actually you should be happy, it was charged on your itty bity credit card.

HISTOIRE: So you admit your deed! T_T

NEPTUNE: No! I didn't do it! I was just saying he deserved to be killed, but I guess someone somehow listened to something I might've thought in my head, and uh… did it without telling me?

HISTOIRE: ( _Shaking her head_ ) Oh Neptune… what am I going to do with you…? -_-

NEPTUNE: You still haven't answered who you're gonna replace me with!

HISTOIRE: Isn't it obvious? o.O Nepgear or Plutia of course! ^.^

NEPTUNE: Whoa whoa whoa! Not so fast Misty Histy… Nepgear!? People are probably going to forget they even have a CPU with her in charge! In fact, I kinda already forgot she was in this room with us!

NEPGEAR: …

HISTOIRE: Well she's a lot more responsible than you are! ^_^

NEPTUNE: And Plutia!? Doesn't she already have her own Planeptune to rule!? She way more of a ditz than me anyway!

HISTOIRE: Well, Plutia has actually done pretty well in her own Planeptune, so suffice to say, with a little help from both Histoires, she can invoke beneficial policies in both nations! *.*I'm sure a little bit of training can make her a great CPU to rule both Planeptunes! ^.^

NEPTUNE: ( _Folding her arms across her chest_ ) I'm not giving up my throne!

HISTOIRE: Well… as always… you will have to settle things another way then. -_- If you really say you didn't do it… then find out who did it, and hurry up, because the masses are riled up! V.V

NEPTUNE: ( _Giving Histoire a thumbs up_ ) Thanks for believing in me Histy! I'll work on it right away! Right after I get a little snack from the stands first! Oh, gotta pick up that sword too! Hope they didn't stash it in some evidence department or something… Maybe I'll take a little nap too…


	2. Act 2

Death of an RPG Merchant

 **ACT: TWO**

 **SCENE: ONE**

 _A day has passed since the incident in Celestia, Neptune, Nepgear, Plutia, IF, Compa, and Histoire all gather at the Planeptune Basilicom to discuss to the best way to approach the situation. The atmosphere in the room seems to be tense, but Neptune keeps her joyful demeanor despite the growing concerns. The room is silent, as no one knows the right thing to say amidst the current situation. Finally, Histoire flies to the center of the room, and breaks the silence._

HISTOIRE: ( _Addressing everyone_ ) Well, it's been a day now, has anybody thought of a culprit yet? =.=

IF: I still think that Neptune killed the man.

COMPA: ( _Quickly_ ) Iffy! How can you not stand by Nep Nep's side given the severity of the situation!? Even if she did do it, at least we can flip the blame on someone else!

NEPTUNE: Aw seriously guys? Still no one believes me? I already told you when I walked away, he was still alive, living and breathing and all.

NEPGEAR: ( _Hesitantly_ ) Um… I can sorta vouch for Neptune, I was there and she was talking with me when it happened, but then yet again it's Neptune…

NEPTUNE: C'mon guys! I'm innocent! Plus, the old dude was probably nearing the end of his lifespan anyway; he probably didn't have much health points left, and probably tripped on the sword and impaled himself or something… a self-inflected K.O.

IF: You see, when you say things like that, I really doubt you even more. I mean, it could've been your doppelganger or something…

NEPTUNE: Geez… does anyone believe me?

PLUTIA: ( _Enthusiastically_ ) I do Neppy! 

NEPTUNE: ( _Blushing_ ) Aw shucks Plutie! I always knew I can count on you!

PLUTIA: ( _With her fist in the air_ ) I believe you that he was evil and deserved to be punished by you! In fact, I would've probably given him a whipping myself!

NEPTUNE: Err… not helping Plutie, good try but you missed the mark.

HISTOIRE: ( _Angrily_ ) Enough! We are stumbling back to what we've already said yesterday! T.T Neptune, do you not realize the situation WE are in!? V.V What you do gets reflected back to me! T.T If you have even the slightest bit of intelligence left, at least tell me, if not you, then who? =.=

NEPTUNE: ( _Thinking hard_ ) Um… well… c'mon, little bit of intelligence left… help me here… nope, my Nep-Brain cells don't seem to wanna work today…

IF: ( _Shaking her head_ ) *sigh* Neptune, just tell us who was also present at the time. Anyone suspicious?

NEPTUNE: Um… uh… well, there was the salesman-guy…

IF: ( _Slight tone of annoyance in her voice_ ) Okay, something a little less obvious please?

NEPTUNE: ( _Thinking hard_ ) Uh… let's see… there was Nepgear, um… Blue Dong Dude… Gothic Loli Brat… hmm…

NEPGEAR: Keep going Neptune! But don't put me in there…

COMPA: Besides Ge-Ge, I'm not sure any of those people have anything to do with you…

NEPTUNE: I think… I also saw that lady… uh…

NEPGEAR: Who? I might've seen her too… who are you talking about?

NEPTUNE: ( _Stumbling on her words_ ) Uh… Arr…

NEPGEAR: Yeah...?

NEPTUNE: ( _Struggling_ ) Arr… Arrfff…

IF: C'mon…

NEPTUNE: ( _Faltering_ ) Arrfffooo…

COMPA: You can do it Nep-Nep!

NEPTUNE: ( _Wavering_ ) Arrfffooorrr…

PLUTIA: GO NEPPY!

NEPTUNE: ( _Exclaming_ ) ARRFORK!

IF: ( _Speechless_ ) …

COMPA: ( _Speechless_ ) …

NEPGEAR: ( _Speechless_ ) …

PLUTIA: ( _Excitedly clapping_ ) Hurray Neppy!

HISTOIRE: If you mean Arfoire, then yes, she was indeed present in Celestia at the time, I remember her signing off the guest checklist, rather arrogantly too. ^.^ But whether or not she was present at the scene of the crime is another story. -.-

NEPTUNE: I think I saw her there… at the corner of my eye… that I spy… Well she is like my worst enemy or something right, so it's probably her? Maybe? Somewhat?

NEPGEAR: Now that you mention it, I think I saw her in the tent too…

IF: ( _Cautiously_ ) Are you two sure it's not a false memory?

COMPA: ( _Tilting her head_ ) Maybe… we can pin it on Arfoire? I mean she'll probably have done it anyway? Okay maybe that's a bit harsh even for me…

IF: ( _Worried_ ) Um… Compa… I think you've been around Neptune too long… anyway, you're all better off trying to confirm it with Arfoire then.

PLUTIA: Yeah, let's go find her! Time to dish out some maximum punishment!

NEPTUNE: Uh… Plutie, do you even have any idea who we're talking about or even what's going on here at all?

PLUTIA: Nope. I just know that there's some punishment to be dealt!

NEPTUNE: Hmm… thought so.

HISTOIRE: Alright enough wasting time, you have to go settle it with Arfoire then if you suspect her, Nepgear and Plutia can accompany you, but if you can't find the suspect in time, I'll need to start preparing those two for the CPU title. O.O

NEPTUNE: Alright! Let's go!

IF: ( _Folding her arms_ ) Compa and I will stay behind, we'll look after Peashy and help Histoire with the crowds.

COMPA: Mhm! Iffy and I can handle the Basilicom, just make it back safe!

NEPTUNE: Will do! We'll apprehend Arfroy in no time! I'm gonna say, Arfack! You have the right to remain silent! Anything you say will be used against you in the court of NEP!

IF: ( _Speechless_ ) …

COMPA: ( _Speechless_ ) …

NEPGEAR: ( _Speechless_ ) …

PLUTIA: ( _In admiration_ ) Wow! Awesome Neppy! You're so cooooool!

 **SCENE: TWO**

 _Neptune, Nepgear, and Plutia have arrived at the entrance of the fortress of Arfoire. In front of them is a crumbling, decaying castle, full of holes in the walls, fortified by a rusted gate in the middle of the forest in the Zeca Ruins. The three wait nervously at the door, not knowing what to do next after coming so far._

NEPTUNE: ( _Quietly_ ) Sooo… guys? What do we do?

NEPGEAR: ( _Whispering_ ) Maybe we can knock, this place looks really old; I don't think there's a door bell…

PLUTIA: ( _Loudly_ ) Let's sneak in through the back, jump through a glass ceiling, and then ambush her! I'll get her arms, you get her legs!

NEPTUNE: Plutia, you're gonna get us all killed… or probably you'll end up killing us first.

 _Suddenly, the gates fling open, showing a path that leads through the front gate and into the large castle._

NEPGEAR: ( _Starts walking forward_ ) I guess that's our invitation.

NEPTUNE: ( _Hesitant_ ) Wait wait wait! Hold on! What if… she'll… like eat us or something? Wait! Nepgear, hold up!

NEPGEAR: ( _Stopping_ ) Neptune, we've faced and beaten her multiple times in the past, what is she going to do to us this time?

NEPTUNE: I dunno? Maybe she'll like poison us, then chop our heads off, then… stuff us up… and uh… display us as trophies! I mean she like turns into a dragon or something when she's pissed off right!? Where's Plutie anyway? Whoa! Plutie's all the way over at the door already!

PLUTIA: ( _Waving by the door of the castle_ ) Heeeey! C'mon, hurry up Neppy, Nepgear!

NEPGEAR: ( _Walking forward_ ) C'mon let's go, even Plutia's not afraid. But then yet again, we should be afraid of Plutia instead…

NEPTUNE: Oh… I have a baaaaad feeling about this… and by baaaaad, I mean a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad feeling.

 _The three are inside the castle, awaiting their former nemesis in the lobby. Paintings and furnishings lay all over the floor with the furniture old and scratched up. The place looks like a mess, and there are even holes in the ceiling and moss on the walls._

NEPTUNE: ( _Looking around in dismay_ ) Geez, I didn't know Arrfort had it this bad! Look at this place, I see mice and… uh… what is that thing? OMG guys, it's a Thousand-Year Tortoise! Why does she have one of those just lying around the place? Isn't it like a super duper rare spawn?

NEPGEAR: It looks like… it just wandered from the forest to this place as a shelter… now it's living here…

ARFOIRE: ( _Coming down the steps_ ) *ahem* …

NEPTUNE: Omigosh guys! Arrfart is here!

ARFOIRE: ( _Folding her arms with a mean stare_ ) Neptune, how dare you show your face here! Have you no shame!?

NEPTUNE: Wow, what a really boring and cliché thing for Arcfore to say… isn't this like the ninth Nepazillion time we've heard that phrase?

NEPGEAR: Neptune! Have some respect!

ARFOIRE: ( _In a dominating stance_ ) So? Have you finally come to apologize for all the pain and torment you put me through? All the humiliating defeats! And are you finally willing to hand Gamindustri back over to me?

NEPTUNE: Yeah… uh… not happening… I kinda like having Gamindustri to myself. It's like a really comfy body pillow.

ARFOIRE: ( _With a look of disdain_ ) *hmph* Then did you come all the way here to humiliate me even further? Drive me away from what little I have left?

NEPTUNE: Jeez, you're making us look like the villains.

NEPGEAR: ( _Politely_ ) Arfoire… we just wanted to ask a few questions, and then we'll be on our way…

ARFOIRE: I have no intentions of helping you even the slightest.

NEPTUNE: And uh… what's with the deep purple robe and the weird veil and witch hat thingie? You got this like monk's robe mixed with weird witch hat kinda vibe going on here. Did you lose your sense of fashion as well? Well not like you really ever had any… it's just that you used to dress a little more… eccentric… aw who am I kidding? You used to dress so slutty!

NEPGEAR: ( _Embarrassed_ ) Neptune!

ARFOIRE: ( _With a saddened look_ ) I have no choice but to conceal myself now. I've lost my old villain status, and now since I sell boot leg discs on the black market, I must hide my identity as the former Arfoire. See what little you have reduced me to? Arg… not like I want your pity anyway. Leave now! Or I will kick you out myself!

NEPTUNE: ( _Readying her battle stance_ ) Okay then! If you're not willing to cooperate… Nepgear, back me up! I'm about to give you a Neppatality Arrfock! Up Up Down Dow Y-

NEPGEAR: ( _Shaking her head_ ) No Neptune, I don't want to fight her, I feel bad enough already… can't we just talk this out?

ARFOIRE: ( _Angrily getting into battle formation_ ) Grr! As I said! I don't need your pity!

NEPTUNE: Nep Jr.! You goody two-shoes! If that's the way you want it, then my sweet Plutie! Plutie? Uh… Plutie? Where'd you g-

NEPGEAR: ( _Looking eyes wide into the corner of the room_ ) PLUTIA! What are you doing!? Stay away from that thing!

PLUTIA: ( _Bouncing up and down the shell of the Thousand-Year Turtle_ ) Woooo! Weeee! Yahooooo!

NEPTUNE: ( _O.O_ ) Um… Plutie… not the best time… especially not now…

PLUTIA: ( _Laughing_ ) Hee hee hee! Mr. Turtle is soooooo cool! And bouncy!

NEPTUNE: Uh seriously Plutie. That turtle's about to take a bite off your Plootie.

NEPGEAR: ( _Frantically_ ) Plutia! Get off the turtle! Although aren't turtle's herbivories?

NEPTUNE: Herba-what? Thousand-Year Turtles are known woman-eaters!

NEPGEAR: I don't know Neptune… I'm pretty sure they only eat plants…

NEPTUNE: I only know from personal experience, after hunting for a rare loot drop once, a giant turtle tried to bite me on the "you know where." So Plutie, unless you wanna go home without a Plooper, you better get offa that thing quick!

PLUTIA: I Like Turtles!

ARFOIRE: ( _Impatiently_ ) Enough of this nonsense! It appears every time we speak before a battle, you waste my time with useless jabber!

NEPTUNE: ( _Drawing her sword from thin air_ ) Yeah well… we gotta fill in the pre-battle-foreplay with something… Well, it doesn't matter, I'll continue this jibber-jabber-nepper after I nep you a new one!

ARFOIRE: ( _Summoning her staff and charging towards Neptune_ ) So be it!

NEPGEAR: ( _Rushing in between Arfoire and Neptune_ ) Staaaaaahp!

NEPTUNE: Heeey! Get outta the way Nep Jr.!

NEPGEAR: ( _Pleading_ ) I don't want you to fight her! As always, you'll just end up beating her, and then we'll have to deal with another Arfoire sob story… I'm tired of this!

ARFOIRE: Am-am I always expected to lose…?

NEPTUNE: Yeah… you kinda already lost the second your name was mentioned. Even if you do manage to catch me off guard, I'll just reload my last save.

NEPGEAR: Um… Neptune, the last save point was back in the Basilicom… plus, even if you do go back all the way here, you'll have to listen to all this dialogue again…

NEPTUNE: ( _Once again readying for battle_ ) Oh wells… I guess I'll just have to make this one count then!

ARFOIRE: ( _Readying her battle stance_ ) *hmph* Get ready to lose three hours of progress!

PLUTIA: ( _Pointing to Neptune and Arfoire while on top of the turtle_ ) Hey! If you two don't stop now, me and Mr. Turtle here are gonna get reeeeeally angry!

THOUSAND –YEAR TURTLE: Raaaawr! Gawwwwr! Mawwwwwr! (Is it just me or is it getting rowdy here lately?) Yaaaawr! Bawwwwwr! (I have something jumping on my shell, disrupting my sleep. *sigh* I am getting too old for this.)

NEPGEAR: ( _Startled_ ) Eeeek!

NEPTUNE: ( _Jumping into Nepgear's arms_ ) Ahhhh! I told you all! It's gonna eat us! Code red, code red! The turtle escaped from the park! Commence emergency evacuation procedures now!

NEPGEAR: Huh?

NEPTUNE: Forget it…

PLUTIA: ( _With an adamant yet cute tone_ ) Neppy and Arffy! Stop fighting or your both going to get it!

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Naaawwwr! Yawwwwr! (After a thousand years, you think I would have seen everything there is to see. *sigh* If only these noisy humans would just let an old turtle get its rest. All I want is a little peace.)

NEPTUNE: I don't know what's going to happen first, either Plutie kills us all, or we become the turtle's next meal. Maybe a little bit of both, I prefer the Plutie treatment, you can get eaten by the turtle Nep Jr.

ARFOIRE: ( _Furious_ ) ENOUGH! Leave here at once!

NEPGEAR: Wait! We just wanted-

ARFOIRE: I've had it with you all!

NEPGEAR: We just wanted to ask if you were responsible for the murder Neptune was blamed for!

ARFOIRE: ( _Surprised_ ) What?

NEPGEAR: We wanted to know if you took part in-

ARFOIRE: ( _Covering her face while laughing_ ) Ahahahaha! You're kidding me! Ahaha!

NEPTUNE: Jeez Arrtart, you go insane or something? Oh wait, you're already insane.

ARFOIRE: You came all the way here just to ask me that? Ahahahaha! No, of course it wasn't me! I wouldn't flip a murder on you like that; I would just kill you outright!

NEPTUNE: ( _Softly clapping_ ) And you win the award for cliché villain of the year!

ARFOIRE: Aw Neptune, would you really think that I would go through all that trouble, when I can just cleanly decapitate you anytime I want. And to be honest, I thought you were responsible when I first heard about it.

NEPTUNE: Um… well, seeing as you've once, eavesdropped and found out that I hated eggplants, then went and planted an entire farm of eggplants, then kidnapped Iffy and force-fed her eggplants, aaaaaand after that dress up as an eggplant to fight me… Um… yeah, I do, I really do.

ARFOIRE: Whether you choose to believe me or not, it doesn't matter, but no I did not do it. I would kill you right here and now, but I've loss the mood to do so. I'd rather save it for a better occasion. So just leave.

NEPGEAR: ( _Turning away_ ) Well, she's probably right, I can't really picture Arfoire being responsible, especially when just a few minutes ago, she would've probably killed us… which would defeat the purpose of going through all that trouble… just my reasoning for it all…

NEPTUNE: So where were you that day then?

ARFOIRE: *hmph* It's true, I was in the merchant's tent. But I was kicked out promptly after asking for the strongest weapons he had! Apparently I was not worth his time! Can you believe it! Me! Not worth his time! The greatest Neptunia villain!

NEPTUNE: Well… I don't know about that… and even if you are… that title doesn't mean much…

ARFOIRE: Anyway, after I was kicked out of the tent, I left, looking for other shops.

NEPTUNE: So that's it huh?

ARFOIRE: And… it wouldn't be my style anyway… but on the other hand, you also have a handful of other enemies that would use sneakier methods.

NEPGEAR: ( _Gleefully_ ) I'm sure there's probably other clues that'll lead us to them, in fact we should just begin crossing out names that were there. Thanks Arfoire!

NEPTUNE: Oh Em Gee! Arfoire actually helping us, and giving the vaguest of all hints? Wow, that's unprecedented.

ARFOIRE: I'm only doing this so that once Gamindustri is given back to you, I can then kill you for it myself. I will be the one responsible for your demise, remember that!

NEPTUNE: Uh ArrFowek? Are you diagnosed with the extreme cliché villain disorder? Cause your displaying the really corny and obvious sayings syndrome.

ARFOIRE: If you don't leave this place in five seconds, I am going to up the ante, use the special One-Hit-K.O. secret one time only boss move, and make you reload your save, wait for you to spend several hours traveling across the dungeons, over-level so you can stand a chance against me, then make you sit through all this dialogue all over again.

NEPTUNE: ( _Hurrying away_ ) Okies! Let's go everyone!

 **SCENE: THREE**

 _Neptune and Nepgear are outside of Arfoire's fortress, planning their next method of approach. Neptune is all riled up and ready to go, while Nepgear is still recovering from what just occurred._

NEPTUNE: Sooo?

NEPGEAR: ( _Still recovering_ ) Um… what Neptune?

NEPTUNE: ( _Slightly excited_ ) What do we do now? We can't go back to Histy, or rather Pissty now, empty-handed.

NEPGEAR: ( _Shyly_ ) Well… I was thinking…

NEPTUNE: Mhm?

NEPGEAR: Um… well, it's probably not the best idea…

NEPTUNE: ( _A little curious_ ) Okay, spill it out.

NEPGEAR: I shouldn't say this but…

NEPTUNE: C'mon already…

NEPGEAR: ( _Quietly_ ) Well, I don't want to rat her out…

NEPTUNE: Nep Jr. You always wonder why we ignore you, and always talk over you right?

NEPGEAR: ( _Looking down_ ) Yeah…

NEPTUNE: But then when it's your turn to say something, you don't have anything important to say! So just spill the beans already! I'm hungry for the beanz!

NEPGEAR: Okay, Okay, I was thinking it was Linda.

NEPTUNE: ( _With a blank stare_ ) Who!?

NEPGEAR: ( _Reminiscing_ ) Um… remember Linda, the girl who worked for the CFWs, who I defeated in my game? She was my antagonist.

NEPTUNE: ( _Completely confused_ ) Uh… what? You had a game Nep Jr.? You sure you're not talking about fighting in the sidelines in my game?

NEPGEAR: (Flabbergasted) Hyperdimension Neptunia MK2 remember!? I was the main heroine! What the goodness!? How could you forget!?

NEPTUNE: ( _Dismissingly_ ) What game is that? Never heard of it.

NEPGEAR: ( _Getting angry_ ) Neptune! It was my game! It had Uni, and Rom, and Ram, and, goodness, even you! You were in MY GAME! How could you not remember!?

NEPTUNE: ( _Shaking her head_ ) Nope, can't remember at all, probably a crappy game too.

NEPGEAR: ( _Heartbroken_ ) Ugh Neptune… it even had a remake… ugh… just forget it…

NEPTUNE: So? What about this Linda girl?

NEPGEAR: Well, when we chose to fight her, she was kind of weak and used a lot of tricky tactics, and tried to get us to fight each other and stuff. Eventually we beat her, but I remember that she used to pull tricks like that all the time… I feel kind of bad for ratting her out though…

NEPTUNE: Wow you defeated a villain all by yourself? Um… are you sure this is real, and not a dream? Like the game thing and all, like you didn't just dream it all up or something?

NEPGEAR: ( _Saddened_ ) Forget it Neptune…

NEPTUNE: ( _Cheering her up_ ) Aw… Nep Jr., it's alright, I believe you, well not really. Okay, let's find this imaginary Linda chick then. So… where is she? Better question, where's Plutie?

PLUTIA: ( _Calling from the back, while still on top of the giant turtle_ ) I'm right here guys! I'm with Mr. Turtle too!

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Rawwwr! Gawwwr! Krawwwr! (Well, they finally managed to break an old turtle's will. This one is making me go where ever she wants.) Grawwwr! Brawwwr! (I just wanted to take a rest, at this age, my shell is starting to hurt. But every time I stop or go in the wrong direction, she just hits me on the head.) Yawwwr! Hwaaaar! (I tried crawling back into my shell, but the little one just manages to jump on it hard enough to force me back out. Won't they ever just give an old turtle like me a break for once.)

NEPTUNE: ( _Backing away_ ) Um… Plutie, you realize you still have that turtle with you right…?

PLUTIA: ( _Jumping up and down the shell_ ) Yeah! Mr. Turtle's gonna help us on our journey!

NEPTUNE: Uh… How do you know that Plutie? You speak Turtlenese? Turtlenish? Uh… Turtlevocian?

PLUTIA: Mhm! I understand what the turtle is saying!

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Yrawwwr! Trawwwwr! (Please, just leave an old turtle like me alone. Ah, my shell!)

NEPGEAR: Um… are you sure Plutia?

PLUTIA: Yep! It just said that it was really super duperly happy to join us!

NEPGEAR: ( _Looking at the turtle_ ) Um… I'm not sure about that Plutia, it looks to me like it's irritated and tired…

PLUTIA: ( _Jumping on the shell_ ) Okay then, watch this. Heeeeey! Mr. Turtle! Do you want to join us on our happy journey with Neppygear and Neppy!?

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Graaaaawr! (No.)

PLUTIA: See! It said yes! In fact, it said it was so delighted, and that we could sit on its back the entire time!

NEPTUNE: ( _Examining the turtle_ ) Um… I'm okay… whatever you say Plutie. I'll sit out of this one though, I'd hate to be caught off guard then have the turtle munching on me.

NEPGEAR: ( _Climbing on the turtle_ ) I'm sure it's fine Neptune… I guess Plutia is pretty good with animals?

NEPTUNE: Wait! You're not actually going to ride it are you?

NEPGEAR: Are you going to walk halfway through Planeptune to get to Linda's place?

NEPTUNE: ( _Pulling out the world map_ ) We can fast travel!

NEPGEAR: Well, we can just use the turtle when we fast travel there.

NEPTUNE: ( _Climbing on top of the turtle_ ) Fast travel with the turtle? Fine, fine, whatever you say.

NEPGEAR: I'm sure we can make it work somehow…

PLUTIA: ( _Excited_ ) Yay! Mr. Turtle, get going now!

THOUSAND –YEAR TURTLE: ( _Slowly crawling forward_ ) Grawwwr! Frawwwwr! (Why me?)

 **SCENE: FOUR**

 _The three sit on the turtle's shell as it slowly trudges its way to Linda's home. They are at the south end of Planeptune, and scenery looks like an abandoned beach. Plutia sits on the turtle's big head, pointing and guiding the way, while Neptune and Nepgear sit back and wait._

PLUTIA: ( _Tapping the turtle's head_ ) Go go go! Go Mr. Turtle, Thataway!

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Wraaaawr! Grawwwwr! Drawwwwr! (*sigh* I have lived through millennia, experience the world uninhabited by humans, witnessed the birth of the CPUs, watched as society progressed from the arcade age, to the retro age, to the handheld age, then the great crash, and the rebirth of the consoles, then through the bit era, and then to the modern age, and finally the next-generation age. And through all that, I am still at the mercy of these humans.)

PLUTIA: ( _Tilting her head_ ) You're saying that you love traveling with us and can't wait to meet Compa and Iffy right!?

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Traaaawr! Rawwwr! Gaaawwr! (Insolent human! It is like peering into a one-way mirror, no matter how hard I try, they won't understand me. Yet I have mastered the understanding of the human tongue many years ago. After surviving through the great console war, observed as the humans advanced, learning to use tools and fire, traveling through the sands of time, watched as Gamindustri became more and more corporate, and the birth of the Desirous Loathing Capitalist's takeover, and then the CommuNepsim Revolution leading to this day and age. And yet, I still have not found a human that could understand me. What a truly demoralizing situation. And I, as the oldest and wisest of all the turtles, have yet to find a human worthy of my existence.)

PLUTIA: ( _Patting the turtle on the head_ ) Mhm! I completely understand what you're saying!

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: ( _Shocked_ ) !?

PLUTIA: I want cotton candy on top of waffles with honey syrup all over it too!

NEPTUNE: ( _In the back with Neptune_ ) Sooo Nep Jr.?

NEPGEAR: Uh huh?

NEPTUNE: Are we there yet?

NEPGEAR: Not even close.

NEPTUNE: Oh… why's Plutia sitting on the turtle's head?

NEPGEAR: She said the turtle likes it…

NEPTUNE: Riiiiiight… Sooo…

NEPGEAR: Yes Neptune?

NEPTUNE: We there yet?

NEPGEAR: ( _A little annoyed_ ) No Neptune, you asked five seconds ago.

NEPTUNE: Right… Sooo…

NEPGEAR: No we're not there yet Neptune…

NEPTUNE: No, I wanted to ask something else.

NEPGEAR: ( _Curious_ ) Yeah?

NEPTUNE: So if you had to choose between being a being a monkey with a human brain, or a human with a monkey brain, or a cat with a dog brain, what will you choose?

NEPGEAR: Um… why so random?

NEPTUNE: Just wanted to waste the time a little.

NEPGEAR: Um… I don't know, a monkey?

NEPTUNE: Ah, I thought as much. Sooo…

NEPGEAR: Yes?

NEPTUNE: Would you rather have a pancake that looked like a waffle, or a waffle that looked like a pancake?

NEPGEAR: Uh… does it matter?

NEPTUNE: Nope. Hmm… Lemme ask something else.

NEPGEAR: (getting _sleepy)_ Sure…

NEPTUNE: Sooo… we there yet?

NEPGEAR: No…

NEPTUNE: Okay, next question.

NEPGEAR: *sigh* okay…

NEPTUNE: So who's your favorite out of Rom and Ram?

NEPGEAR: ( _Quickly_ ) Ahh! I can't say that, they're both my friends!

NEPTUNE: Oooo! So you do have a favorite!

NEPGEAR: If I say it, you're just going to tell them, and it'll make one of them really mad! Plus, they look up to me, I don't want to ruin our relationship!

NEPTUNE: Someone actually looks up to you? Hard to believe.

NEPGEAR: ( _Speechless_ ) …

NEPTUNE: Sooo… we there yet?

NEPGEAR: I think you know the answer to that one.

NEPTUNE: Sooo… do you have any idea why Uni seems to lose a cup size or three when she's in HDD mode?

NEPGEAR: ( _Embarrassed_ ) Ah! I can't tell you that! She trusted me with her secret!

NEPTUNE: Oooo! So you do know!

NEPGEAR: ( _Turning red_ ) Neptune! She's gonna hate me if I tell you!

NEPTUNE: Just spill it out alre-

PLUTIA: ( _Eagerly pointing to the front_ ) Guuuuuys! We're hereeeeee!

NEPGEAR: ( _Jumping off the turtle shell_ ) Ah finally, we've arrived at Linda's home!

NEPTUNE: ( _With a look of dismay_ ) Eh? This little hut here is it? In the middle of this empty beach…

NEPGEAR: Yeah… after her defeat… the CFWs didn't treat her too well…

NEPTUNE: Geez, I'm starting to feel kinda bad for some of these bad guys…wait who am I kidding, they probably deserved it.

NEPGEAR: …

PLUTIA: ( _Patting the turtle's head_ ) Okay! Let's go! And you stay here Mr. Turtle, don't go anywhere!

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Yrawwwr! Nrawwwr! Wrawwr! (Time to make my escape.)

 **SCENE: FIVE**

 _Plutia, Neptune, and Nepgear all enter the little hut made of stone and sand. Inside are all old and broken furniture, covered in sand and dried seaweed. In the middle is Linda, a pale young girl with short green hair, covered in rags, and a giant hood. Sitting to Linda's left is a black and gray mouse the size of a fire hydrant, with tiny bat wings, large round ears, and a weird looking tail. They are surrounded by piles and piles of broken discs, and are sorting them out._

PIRACHU: ( _Pointing to the three_ ) Ah! We have guests!

LINDA: ( _Dully_ ) Oh, look who it is…

NEPTUNE: ( _Wagging her finger at Linda and Pirachu_ ) Oooo! I remember you! You're… uh… un… under…

LINDA: Don't say it…

NEPTUNE: Underling! And you, you're uh… um… Pi…Pira…

PIRACHU: ( _Impatiently_ ) Just spit it out you CPU buffoon!

NEPTUNE: Pirapoop!

LINDA: ( _Restlessly_ ) Close but no cigar, although I should just start calling him that…

PIRACHU: ( _Frantic_ ) Is Compa with you? Where's Compa? Compa!? COMPAAAAAA!?

PLUTIA: ( _With her finger on her cheek_ ) Oh that's right! Mr. Mouse is a Compaholic.

NEPTUNE: Hey! You stole my line Plutie!

PLUTIA: ( _Giggling_ ) Hee Hee! Sorrieeee!

NEPGEAR: ( _With a tone of politeness_ ) Sorry to interrupt. *ahem* Um… we just had a few questions. If we could just have your time for a few seconds… we'd really appreciated.

LINDA: What questions could you possibly have for us? And don't you have more pressing matters on your hands; I think the whole world knows what you've done.

NEPTUNE: Hey! That wasn't me! I didn't do it! Underling! You probably did it!

LINDA: ( _Getting irritated_ ) Stop calling me that! I've ascended a rank! But then fell down quite a bit when the CFWs were defeated… and then… CFW Magic fired me, and I don't even have a pension or workers compensation…

NEPTUNE: Geez, that sounds rough! What's all these discs for anyway?

PIRACHU: ( _With a raspy voice_ ) We've got to make a living somehow. Now we're in the business of selling Cracked Discs.

NEPTUNE: Selling Crack Discs? Isn't that illegal?

PIRACHU: ( _Condescendingly_ )No, it's "Cracked" Discs, and yes, it's illegal, haven't everything we've done been illegal up to this point?

NEPTUNE: Uh that's what I just said, "Crack" Discs. Anyway, aren't the games from the Crack Discs, like high addictive or something? Like you can't stop playing it, and it causes HalluciNeptions and stuff?

PIRACHU: ( _Getting mad_ ) The "Cracked" Discs are sold in the Black Market, and yes they do cause such symptoms, and even withdrawal, if you stop playing it. But that's not our problem suckers!

NEPTUNE: ( _Confused_ ) The Blanc Market? Blanc is involved too? Geez these Crack Discs sure are scary, I'm glad I'm above the influence.

LINDA: ( _Irritated_ ) Ah forget it! It's worthless explaining to her, the CPUs are the ones who got us into this mess anyway! Ugh, working with all these Cracked Discs is starting to give me hallucinations. If only I could hallucinate you all out of here!

NEPGEAR: ( _Apologetically_ ) Sorry to bother you, and please feel free to continue with your work after this conversation… although it is highly illegal… but we just wanted to ask what you were doing on Celestia the day the murder took place.

PLUTIA: ( _With a sinister smirk_ ) And if you don't tell us… well Mr. Mouse already knows what's coming, and I can show the newcomer a thing or two too!

PIRACHU: ( _Frightened_ ) Eeek! We'll tell you, we'll tell you! Just not the whip!

LINDA: ( _Hesitantly_ ) *ahem* well that day… we were outside the merchant's tent, we uh… wanted to go inside to do some business, but they saw us and wouldn't let us in. So we just decided to sell the Cracked Discs to people who were interested outside the tent when they were coming out.

NEPTUNE: Well that doesn't sound suspicious at all, case closed! Thank you for your time and-… Wait a minute! You were at the tent! It was you!

LINDA: ( _Defensive_ ) Hey, don't go putting blame on everyone! We tried sneaking in under the covers of the tent but I got caught. For all I know, Pirachu probably managed to squeeze in seeing he was small enough!

PIRACHU: ( _Angrily_ ) Hey you big dope! It wasn't my fault you were too fat to squeeze in! Plus, I got kicked out later too! If you didn't make such a loud noise about not being able to fit under the curtains, I could've stole something and got back out!

LINDA: ( _Furious_ ) If you would've just given me a hand instead of going and admiring all the weapons, I could've gotten through!

PIRACHU: ( _Enraged_ ) Unlike you, I was actually doing something useful, I almost made out with some merchandise but then you just started screaming and the security came!

NEPTUNE: Okay, Okay enough… what happened next?

PIRACHU: ( _Calming down_ ) Well after that, obviously our plan failed because of this big dope, and I went to search for Compa! I checked everywhere, the Ladies' bathroom, the kitchen, the female fitting room!

NEPTUNE: Okay… creepy… and reaaaaally disturbing… and you underling?

LINDA: ( _Avoidingly_ )Ugh, I told you, the security came and I was gone!

NEPTUNE: Gone? Like you vanished?

LINDA: Yes, I vanished.

NEPTUNE: Like you just disappeared.

LINDA: Yes.

NEPTUNE: Really?

PIRACHU: ( _Blurting it out_ ) She didn't disappear! She got arrested and I had to come and bail her out! Fifteen Thousand Credits!

LINDA: ( _Turning red_ ) Ugh! You didn't have to tell them!

NEPTUNE: ( _With a smirk_ ) Bailed out like an underling eh?

LINDA: ( _Pointing to the door_ ) We told you everything, now will you leave us alone!?

NEPTUNE: Sure, sure… one last thing though, if not you, then who?

LINDA: How would I know, haven't you made enough enemies already? I'm sure there's more than just me.

PIRACHU: That's right! Why don't you try the rest of the Seven Sages!? I'm the weakest one, there's six others that want your head!

NEPGEAR: He's right Neptune… I think we should look elsewhere, especially with the Seven Sages…

NEPTUNE: ( _Leaving the hut_ ) Alright fine, I'll give it another look, but I'm not going back to Pissty until I got something to report! Let's go…

PLUTIA: ( _Following Neptune_ ) Okies! Bye Underling! Bye Mr. Mouse!

LINDA: ( _Aggravated_ ) I'm not an Underling! I've ascended to Mid-tier Boss status! I've got my own Boss sub-title now!

PIRACHU: ( _Aggressively_ ) Where's Compa!? I want to see Compa! Bring Compa next time! Compa! COMPAAAAAA!

PLUTIA: ( _Tilting her head_ ) Mr. Mouse is a definitive Comp-Addict.

NEPTUNE: ( _Shaking her head_ ) No, Plutia, just no, leave the bad puns to me.

 **SCENE: SIX**

 _The three leave the hut, and stand outside the opening, waiting for their next move. They look puzzled and confused, not knowing what their next approach should be._

NEPTUNE: ( _Stretching her arms_ ) Sooo… what now? Wanna get some lunch? Oooo! How about some Ramen Nepdles?

NEPGEAR: I don't know, I guess we find the next in rank of the Seven Sages? Hmm… who might that be again?

PLUTIA: ( _Looking around_ ) Mr. Turtle!? Mr. Tuuuuuuurtle!? Where are you?

NEPTUNE: ( _With a sigh of relief_ ) *sigh* Oh the turtle ran away? *phew* Great! No more worrying about it biting our butts off. Now it can go back to Neprassic Park with all its little Thousand Year Turtle buddies.

NEPGEAR: ( _Pointing to a spot a few meters away_ ) Um… if you mean the Thousand-Year Turtle… he's right there… crawling… slowly… very slowly away…

NEPTUNE: ( _Staring at the slowly moving turtle_ ) Wow… it's just dragging itself slowly away from us… with an emphasis on slowly…

PLUTIA: ( _Easily catching up to the turtle_ ) Mr. Turtle! Where are you going!? I didn't tell you to go anywhere!

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Yrawwwr! Brawwwwr! Grawwwwr! (No! I wasn't fast enough! All this running and I barely made it a few steps away from them!)

NEPTUNE: Okay… now that we've managed to secure our transportation… if you can call it that… more like anti-transportation given how slow it is… what's nex-

 _Suddenly a door appears out of thin air, and opens with a bang. A little girl in a pink dress steps out as the door closes and disappears._

ABNES: ( _Triumphantly_ ) It is aye! Abnes of the Seven Sages, Protector of all little girls far and wide!

NEPTUNE: Hey… I remember you… erm… not really… just remember you being a bit of a punching bag for P-Ko…

ABNES: ( _Humiliated_ ) Hey! That was a long time ago! And I was doing her a favor, a practice dummy so she could level up!

PLUTIA: ( _Amazed_ ) Oh! Where did you come from little girl? I haven't seen you before!

ABNES: ( _Embarrassed_ ) *ahem* … did you forget me already Iris Heart? It's Abnes! One of your most formidable opponents! How could you forget me! I won't forget this!

NEPTUNE: ( _Brushing her off_ ) Okay, Okay… dramaticism aside, did you come here to finally admit the murder, and free me from these wrongly made accusations!?

ABNES: What? I did no such thing!

NEPTUNE: ( _Walking away_ ) Okay off with you then. Let's go everyone!

ABNES: ( _Pleadingly_ ) Wait! It doesn't mean I don't know who did it!

NEPTUNE: ( _Turning her head back_ ) Okaaaaay… this just got interesting again. So, who did it?

ABNES: ( _Speaking rapidly_ ) All I know is that one of the Seven Sages were directly involved, and there were plans about this from the higher ups a while ago! But they never got down to me and excluded me from it, it's true! Soon the plans were thrown out when the Sages disbanded, so I don't know exactly who it was. But from what I know, you've met three of the seven in Planeptune already, who are arguably the weakest of the seven, maybe you should look towards other areas of Gamindustri.

NEPTUNE: ( _Catching only a tiny portion of what was said_ ) So you just admitted you were weak?

NEPGEAR: Neptune! That's not what she meant! Thanks Abnes! So who should we look for next!?

ABNES: ( _Folding her arms_ ) Okay! First of all! I did not say I was weak, I just said that I wasn't that involved with the Seven Sages anymore! In fact, I opted out a while ago! I think it's the Six Sages now… I formed my own little girl protection squad! With just me in it… Anyway, next in line should be Anonydeath, in Lastation. Or you can try Copypaste in Lowee.

NEPTUNE: Okay! To the land of Tsunderes we go!

NEPGEAR: ( _Thankfully_ ) Thanks Abnes! We owe you one!

PLUTIA: Hooray! Abnes became a good guy! So… um… it's the Six Sages now… and the One Not-Sage?

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Frawwwr! (I'm surrounded by imbeciles.)

ABNES: ( _Pompously_ ) Okay then, I'll take my leave now. Abnes, of the former Seven Sages, Protector of little girls far and wide, is off and away!

 _A door magically appears again and opens by itself, then closes immediately and disappears as Abnes walks through. Just then a few seconds later, Nepgear gets a call on her phone._

NEPGEAR: ( _Answering her phone_ ) *beep* Hello? Who's this?

IF: ( _From the phone speaker_ ) Hey, it's IF. So uh… to put this in the simplest terms possible… things are bad, I mean reeeeeally bad at the Basilicom right now, and Histoire needs you and Plutia to return immediately!

NEPGEAR: Oh no! What about Neptune!?

IF: ( _From the phone_ ) Um… well… Histoire's kind of mad right now… so she said Neptune can jump off a cliff and never return… uh, I guess that's just another way to say don't come back until you've solved the case? I don't know, but you guys really need to hurry back now! Make it really quick!

NEPGEAR: ( _Hanging up the phone_ ) Alright thanks Iffy! We'll hurry back! *beep*

NEPTUNE: So?

NEPGEAR: Uh… well, Histoire needs me and Plutia back at the Basilicom.

NEPTUNE: And me?

NEPGEAR: ( _Trying to find the right words_ ) Uh… um… she said… she said good work and keep going for it! We're all rooting for you!

NEPTUNE: ( _Comprehending it_ ) Hmm… well… Awesome! Alright then! I'll get on moving to Lastation! Tell the guys thanks for their support, and tell Histy that I'll keep trying my best! Wooo!

NEPGEAR: Right… Okay Plutia let's go!

PLUTIA: ( _Climbing on the turtle_ ) Okay!

NEPGEAR: ( _Hesitanting_ ) Um… Plutia, Histoire told us to hurry back…

PLUTIA: ( _Patting the turtle's head_ ) But I don't wanna leave Mr. Turtle behind! C'mon, I'll make sure Mr. Turtle goes really, really fast!

NEPGEAR: ( _Reluctantly getting on the turtle_ ) Okay Plutia, fine…

NEPTUNE: ( _Watching the two slowly, slowly, slowly ride off into the sunset_ ) Okay, bye you two! Good Luck! I'm gonna find the killer! Bye! Uh… Bye! Yeah… Bye! Welp, there they go… three feet away now… wait, four… Bye guys! … four and a half… Okay, Nepgear, I heard you already! I said I'll find the killer! Bye now! … Wow… look at them go… not even pass the tree yet…


	3. Act 3

**ACT: THREE**

 **SCENE: ONE**

 _After seconds of fast traveling on the world map, Neptune finally arrives in Lastation, in front of the Basilicom where Noire and Uni reside. She stands in front of the large steel gates, with her hands on her hips, eyeing the building from top to bottom. Lastation's Basilicom is different from the other nations in that it is highly technologized and industrialized. Whereas Planeptune's Basilicom looks more like a gingerbread house, Lastation's Basilicom has a rigid steel frame, covered with dark glass windows on its sides. The ceiling is covered by solar panels, and the building is tilted at an angle. A camera on top of the gate scans Neptune, and after blinking a white light, the gates open, and a path into the Basilicom emerges._

NEPTUNE: ( _Calling from outside the door_ ) Yoo Hoo! Noire? Little Tsundere Princess?

NOIRE: ( _Speaking from a speaker_ ) Hey! We're inside, hurry up!

NEPTUNE: ( _Walking inside_ ) Okies!

 _After walking into the Basilicom, Neptune notices a completely professional interior, full of tech and gadgets. The carpet is clean, and everything, from books to tablets to discs are all stacked and placed neatly around the room. Noire is sitting down in front of a large curved computer screen, monitoring locations all over Lastation. Uni in front of a bookcase, reorganizing some files, and Jinguji Kei, Lastation's Oracle, is vacuuming the place. Kei is in her usual dark formal wear, which matches the older, authority-like nature she has. Like all oracles, she keeps the place clean and organized, but has a much more professional and business like attitude than Histoire and the other oracles. She acts as both a friendly advisor, and an older sister to both Noire and Uni. Kei gives Neptune a warm smile as she walks in, in which Neptune responds with giving Kei a giant hug. Neptune then proceeds over to Uni and pats her on the head as Uni blushes. Seeing as Noire ignored Neptune the entire time she walked in, Neptune jumps behind Noire and gropes her from the back._

NOIRE: ( _Jumping away_ ) Hey! Watch where you're grabbing! Why do you do this like every time you see me! Ow…

NEPTUNE: ( _Reaching again for Noire's breasts_ ) Cuz you didn't greet me when I came in!

NOIRE: ( _Staggering backwards_ ) *ahem* If you actually paid attention… I was trying to do some research on that crime of yours for your own sake!

NEPTUNE: Like I said before, it wasn't me! I wasn't responsible!

UNI: ( _Timidly_ ) Um… you two should probably stop arguin-

NOIRE: ( _Interrupting her_ ) Quiet Uni!

UNI: ( _Looking downwards_ ) O-Okay…

NOIRE: Anyway… I did some research on the guests who checked in at Celestia the day of the celebration.

NEPTUNE: Okay… so what did you find?

NOIRE: ( _Signaling to Kei_ ) Kei? Open up the file.

KEI: ( _Clicking something on a wide tablet screen_ ) Sure, let me pull it up for you. Here it is.

NOIRE: ( _Pointing to the screen_ ) See? Look, a lot of characters from the games checked in, which is usual, but now look at the bad guys list.

NEPTUNE: Oooo! That's a lot, uh… ArrPhoire, uh, CFWs, Seven Sages, wow even our evil clones!

NOIRE: Yeah, but that's not really important, it's whose missing that stands out. Notice anyone in particular?

NEPTUNE: Who?

NOIRE: ( _Shaking her head_ ) Ugh… did you even look? How do you not notice… look at the Seven Sages column.

NEPTUNE: Yeah?

NOIRE: Uh, don't notice anyone missing?

NEPTUNE: ( _Tilting her head_ ) Nepitty Nope Nope.

NOIRE: ( _Shaking her head again_ ) Ugh… seriously… Look! Just count! There's only six out of seven there! Rei Ryghts is missing!

NEPTUNE: Oh Ryght… so it was her?

NOIRE: No you idiot! I don't know why she didn't go, but obviously we can cross her out of the list, since she was never there. Plus, since the Seven Sages are our main enemy now, and includes Arfoire, your primary nemesis, I think it's safe to say that that's the group we should focus on. Well, it's not much but at the very least we don't have to be concerned about Rei.

NEPTUNE: ( _Surprised_ ) Wow! Good call! Didn't want to see that psycho anyway, probably didn't go because she forgot her meds or something, or her paraflaxin… anyway, nice find! I didn't think you would actually help me! I assumed you probably want me gone so you could take Planeptune for yourself or something!

NOIRE: ( _Slightly blushing_ ) H-Hey, I'm not that bad! A-And it's not like I was d-doing it for you or a-anything! Actually, if anything, I usually don't say this, but Uni looked it up, so she deserves the credit.

UNI: ( _Blushing_ ) H-Huh? R-Really sis? W-Well, it's not like I did it for Neptune or anything, I just didn't want to see Nepgear in trouble… W-Wait, I-it's not like I d-did it for N-Nepgear either…

NEPTUNE: ( _In disbelief_ ) Wow, I'm Nep-sandwiched between two tsunderes…

NOIRE: Okay, so I've also been monitoring you a bit, and I found out you already went to three of the seven sages, and now crossing Rei Ryghts out, we have three left to see.

NEPTUNE: Yeah, and we ruled out that weird Linda chick too… although I have a feeling she's got something against Nep Jr. rather than me… funny how even Nep Jr. as polite and innocent as she is, still made enemies.

NOIRE: We can probably cross out the CFWs too then, their main concern are also the second generation CPUs.

NEPTUNE: Awesome! Leave it to the little sisters, geez the CFWs look mighty scary…

NOIRE: Anyway… as much as I'd hate to do this, but we have to visit the one sage that is in Lastation. Plus, I've been wanting to get rid of him for a while, this marks an opportune chance, so I don't have to go by myself.

NEPTUNE: ( _Chuckling_ ) Ha ha… you seemed so prepared for this, I didn't know you worried that much about me! I bet you probably couldn't sleep thinking about me and the trouble I was in! Ha Ha!

NOIRE: ( _Turning red_ ) H-Hey! L-Like I-I said! I-I'm n-not doing t-this for y-you or a-anything!

NEPTUNE: Erm… are we gonna do this tsundere thing for the whole act? Cuz it's gonna get reeeeally tiring quickly…

UNI: ( _Shyly_ ) Um… Noire, we should probably get going soon… you said you didn't want to be near him when it gets dark…

NOIRE: Right. Let me get changed and equipped, and we'll get moving, grab whatever you need from Kei, Neptune.

NEPTUNE: Okay cool! So Kei… how about some munchies?

KEI: Um… I'm a horrible cook but I'll try…

NEPTUNE: Alright, Alright!

 **SCENE: TWO**

 _Nepgear and Plutia finally arrive at the Planeptune Basilicom, while riding on the back of the Thousand-Year Turtle. The two seem exhausted as they climb off the turtle and are greeted by a very embarrassed IF, and an angry and impatient Histoire._

HISTOIRE: ( _Furious_ ) Where were you two!? V.V What took you so long!? W.W

NEPGEAR: We… we uh…

PLUTIA: ( _Energetically_ ) We brought back a giant turtle!

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Wrawwwr! Frawwwr! Trawwwr! (What is this place? Am I free from this agony yet? How much longer must I slave to these humans that do not understand a word I am saying?)

IF: Okaaaaay… So you guys just happened to stumble upon a Thousand-Year Turtle huh? I'm surprised Neptune didn't get a chuck of her ass bitten by one again…

HISTOIRE: ( _Irritably)_ *ahem* You two have to hurry up! V.V Hardcore training starts now! V.V I need to mold you two into better CPUs than Neptune ever was! T.T IF, get the training room ready, and set it to three hundred times gravity, we'll be starting in three minutes! O.O

NEPGEAR: ( _Bracing herself for the worst_ ) Oh no… as if Histoire wasn't already strict enough…

PLUTIA: ( _Without a worry_ ) Yay! Woo hoo!

 **SCENE: THREE**

 _Neptune, Uni, and Kei are in the lobby of the Lastation Basilicom, getting ready to head out, as Noire is upstairs getting dressed and equipped._

NEPTUNE: ( _With a face of disgust_ ) Wow Kei! You weren't kidding when you said you sucked at cooking! Phooey! Maybe you should start with baking simple cookKeis, next time.

KEI: ( _Offended_ ) Hey, I have a knack for business, not cuisine. I can calculate this year's predicted profit and revenue, but not microwave some packaged ramen… you do microwave them right?

UNI: Well we've been eating Kei's cooking for a while now, and have pretty much gotten used to it. Neither Noire or I have any cooking skills either, especially not Noire, she can't even boil water, she just leaves it unattended and then it all evaporates away. Don't tell her I said that though.

NOIRE: ( _Coming down the stairs, all dressed up and equipped for battle_ ) Alright girls, I'm ready!

NEPTUNE: Oh Noire! Uni said you sucked at cooking Noire.

UNI: ( _Angry_ ) Hey! I just said don't tell her!

NOIRE: ( _Giving Uni the death stare_ ) Hmph, I'll show you some bad cooking later Uni. I'll make you that dreaded macaroni and cheese again. Anyway, let's get started, we have to go to Retro hill, and then to Hackers Canyon, we'll reach it soon if we take the teleportation zone.

UNI: Oh No! Anything but the macaroni and cheese…

NEPTUNE: ( _Eyeing Noire from top to bottom_ ) Oooo! Wowza Noire! You look great! Did you make that battle attire all by yourself again? Miniskirt, stockings, boots, tank-top-bra thingie, gloves, and even scrunches for your pigtails! And the blue and black scheme fits you perfectly! You're all readied up for battle, aren't ya!?

NOIRE: Can't tell if it's sarcasm or not… Uni? What about you, are you ready?

UNI: ( _Proudly_ ) All ready sis! I got my loudout all figured out. M16 with red dot scope, foregrip, and extra mags as my primary. Glock96 with ironsights, silencer, and quick-fire as my secondary. I even got the stopping power, hardline, and coldblooded perks attached. And finally I have a sentry gun, a carepackage, a chopper gunner, and an AC130 on standby! We good sis?

NOIRE: Ok, not bad, I guess you've been improving Uni.

UNI: ( _Blushing_ ) Thanks Noire!

NOIRE: Don't let it get to your head though.

UNI: ( _Straightening out her dress_ ) *ahem* I won't!

NEPTUNE: ( _Eyes wide_ ) Seriously? Nothing wrong with that picture? You're cool with everything she just said? Uni's about to go out armed to the teeth with weapons of mass destruction in her arsenal, and you said, "good job?"

NOIRE: Hey, at least some of us are prepared for the worst that can happen.

NEPTUNE: ( _Sarcasticly_ ) Oh, okay then… Uni, do you mind bringing along a nuclear warhead too? I feel like we might need it on the way back.

UNI: Um… sis said those are for emergency situations… especially concerning Planeptune…

NOIRE: ( _Walking out the door_ ) Ugh, forget it, let's just go…

KEI: ( _Waving goodbye to the girls_ _as they walk out_ ) Good luck! You girls be safe now!

 **SCENE: FOUR**

 _Back at the Planeptune Basilicom, Nepgear and Plutia are getting scolded inside by Histoire, while the Thousand Year Turtle sits outside in the yard on a leash. Peashy after waking up from her nap, steps outside and sees the turtle._

PEASHY: ( _In admiration_ ) Wow! A Turty! Sooooo big too!

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Grawwr! Yrawwr! (Another human. This time it's a small infant, my chances of escaping and finding peace are hopeless.)

PEASHY: ( _Walking closer to the turtle_ ) Why do you want to escape Turty?

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Rawwr! Hrawwwr! (Because I can no longer take this punishment and humiliation from these humans anymore!)

PEASHY: Humilee-what?

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Frawwr! Yrawwr! Brawwwr! (Humiliation, it means I am getting disgraced by these humans. I deserved to be treated better, I am one of the wisest and oldest of the living creatures in Gamindustri.)

PEASHY: ( _Eyes wide in wonder_ ) Woooow! Really? How old are you Turty?

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Nrawwwr! Frawwwr! Drawwr! (I am a thousand years old.)

PEASHY: ( _Amazed_ ) Wow! A thousand! That's like… uh… one… two… three… five… seven… um… that's like a really, really lot!

COMPA: ( _Calling from inside the Basilicom_ ) Peashy! Come back in! It's time for lunch! What are you doing out there!?

PEASHY: ( _Hurrying back into the Basilicom_ ) I'm just talking with Turty here! I'm coming, wait for me! I'm hungry! Bye Turty!

THOUSAND-YEAR TURTLE: Brawwwr! Hrawwwr! (Ah, youths these days, so naïve, and easily impressed. It reminds me of my childhood nine hundred and ninety nine years ago.) … Wrawwr! … Rawwr! (…Wait… what happened just now… that child…) Brawwwr! Grawwwr! Lawwwwr! Nrawwwr! Prawwwr! (Wait, come back! Help me child! You are the last hope!)

 **SCENE: FIVE**

 _Neptune, Noire, and Uni finally arrive at Hacker's Canyon, the home of the infamous hacker, and notorious member of the Seven Sages, Anonydeath. Anonydeath, the fully mechanized and devious robot is one of the CPUs' toughest and most formidable enemies. His wit and intelligence is what keeps him alive against the CPUs, and rarely do the CPUs ever actually defeat him. In fact, most of the time, the CPUs end up having to meet an agreement with Anonydeath's terms, rather than taking a direct victory over him. His robot body also gives him the advantage of being able to rebuild himself if he ever gets physically destroyed in battle. Overall, Anonydeath is possibly the smartest of the enemies the CPUs have ever encountered, and remains a thorn at their side to this day. In typical Anonydeath fashion, the canyon obscures most of the secret base, and a hidden tunnel leads straight into the dungeon. As they walk into the dungeon, a long dark tunnel with steel walls awaits them, and they are accompanied by an eerie atmosphere that fills the setting. As they make it to the main sector of Anonydeath's base, they are greeted by a room filled with hanging computer screens, cameras, mechanical parts, robotic arms, and body pillows and pictures of Noire that are littered throughout the place._

NEPTUNE: ( _Looking around the place_ ) Whoa, lemme be the first to say, this place creeps me out a bit… and by a bit, I mean a lot…

NOIRE:( _With a look of utter disgust_ ) Creeps YOU out? These are pictures of me all over the place!

UNI: ( _Examining some pictures_ ) Wow, where did he get these? Even I have never seen some of them, look, this one has Noire playing dress up.

NOIRE: ( _Snatching the photo and tearing it up_ ) H-Hey, gimme that!

ANONYDEATH: ( _Slowly ascending from a trap door that opened from the ground_ ) You see, my dear Noire, that's the beauty of hard drives and cloud computing, you will never lose what precious data that you have. You can tear each of these wonderful pictures, but their all already stored in the data bank in my head.

NOIRE: Ugh, y-you again!

ANONYDEATH: ( _With a very flamboyant tone_ ) Oh, no need for all the formalities Noire, let's skip the foreplay and get right into the action, shall we?

UNI: ( _Angry_ ) Hey stay away from my sister you creep!

NOIRE: ( _Embarrassed_ ) U-Uni, I don't need you to stand up for me!

ANONYDEATH: ( _Intrigued_ ) Oh my, you are Uni aren't you? I get so busy with Noire, that I never have anytime to observe you. Let's hope that you grow up with all the same proportions as your sister now.

NOIRE: ( _Flustered_ ) W-What!? Don't you dare get Uni involved!

NEPTUNE: Jeez, why is he always able to get to you so easily Noire? It's like he hits all your weak spots in the right place.

NOIRE: You're not helping Neptune! Don't forget, we're here for you, you know!

NEPTUNE: Yeah but… honestly I never thought I would be the one lecturing you but, can't you see he's just getting you all riled up on purpose. All his teasing is just a trap… IT'S A TRAAAAAAP!

NOIRE: ( _Looking down_ ) Ugh, I'd hate to admit it but you're right… Let's just get the info we came here for. Anonydeath, tell us right now, whether or not you orchestrated Neptune's supposed murder in Celestia!

ANONYDEATH: ( _With luscious mechanical movements_ ) Oh, my dearest Noire, after all this time, you still aren't familiar with my style of play? I am only concerned with you, I want nothing to do with that pitiful, worthless piece of trash, known as the CPU of Planeptune.

NEPTUNE: Oooo, wow, that hit me hard…

NOIRE: How do we know you didn't do it? What if you did it, just to get Neptune off the throne, and then maybe you would take it and be closer to me once you rule Planeptune!?

ANONYDEATH: ( _Delighted and surprised_ ) Oh! So you are getting familiar with my style after all! But sadly, no, I rather watch you from the shadows, recording you without your consent, rather than approach you outright. It's more fun and exciting this way.

NOIRE: ( _Disturbed, and trying to keep her cool_ ) H-How do we know you're not lying!? We checked the guest list, you were there in Celestia at the time!

ANONYDEATH: ( _Stretching his pink robotic arms above his head_ ) It's true my lovely Noire, I was there in Celestia, but I wasn't near the tent at all. In fact, I had my special hidden cameras follow you all over Celestia, I even know that you had previously went into the tent, and had wanted to buy something, but felt that it wouldn't suit your dress to carry it around all day. I even had my secret cameras follow you into the food stalls, watching as you slowly ate that spicy tofu.

NOIRE: ( _Rattled_ ) W-What!? H-How did you!?

NEPTUNE: It's true, he has your number Noire, you're truly no match for him.

ANONYDEATH: However my love, I can give you a small hint. I don't want you to walk away empty-handed.

NOIRE: ( _Shaking her head_ ) Ugh… but I'm sure you need a small favor from me huh? That's how this always goes, you have some special info, but you need us to do something for you first. If so, then we don't need your help. Let's go Neptune, Uni.

NEPTUNE: ( _Pleading_ ) Wait Noire! I need his help though, c'mon! You don't want to see me lose my position as CPU, and then end up losing all my friends, and then not getting hired by anyone else, then end up as a bum on the Lastation streets, begging for credits do you?

NOIRE: W-What? What do you even mean by that?

NEPTUNE: ( _On her knees begging Noire_ ) You know the only job I'm fit for is CPU! If I end up as a bum, I'm polluting the streets of Lastation first!

NOIRE: ( _Stumbling on her words_ ) I-I… W-wait… F-fine… what do you want?

ANONYDEATH: ( _Extending his mechanical arm out_ ) Well my dear, all I need is for you to take off your panties right now, and toss them over to me.

NOIRE: ( _Speechless_ ) …

UNI: ( _Speechless_ ) …

NEPTUNE: Easy! C'mon what are you waiting for? Just do it!

NOIRE: …

NEPTUNE: My life is at stake here! You don't want to see me as a homeless beggar on the streets right? If I end up as a bum, first place I'm going is the Lastation Basilicom!

NOIRE: *sigh* W-Why do you want it anyway you creep!?

ANONYDEATH: ( _Crossing his mechanical arms_ ) It's for my personal collection dear. I have been collecting all different items from you, used tissues, utensils you've eaten with, food you haven't finished eating, loose strands of hair, and especially your used panties. You have a special light blue variant today, and it's missing in my collection.

NOIRE: ( _Deeply disturbed_ ) W-WHAT!? Ugh, that's why so many things are missing from the Basilicom lately… and how would you know what I'm wearing today anyway!? W-Wait, d-don't tell me, I don't even want to know.

UNI: ( _Disgusted_ ) Ew… I think I'm gonna have to move out…

NEPTUNE: Let's go Noire, you know I would do the same for you! I wouldn't hesitate to take my panties off for you any day of the week!

NOIRE: ( _In a quick, sudden, and swift motion, she takes reaches under her skirt and takes and flings her panties over to Anonydeath_ ) Sadly Neptune… that's the exact truth… you wouldn't hesitate…

ANONYDEATH: ( _Catches the panties, opens up a compartment in his robotic chest, puts it in and closes it_ ) There, my collection is finally complete!

UNI: Ew… he puts it inside himself! What a creepy robot, I bet he has all sorts of weird stuff tangled with his circuits… maybe I really should've brought the nuke…

NOIRE: Now that you've made me humiliate myself, spill out the information you have!

ANONYDEATH: The culprit…

NEPTUNE: Uh huh?

ANONYDEATH: Is…

NEPTUNE: Yeah?

ANONYDEATH: Not…

NEPTUNE: C'mon...

ANONYDEATH: A…

NEPTUNE: Gooooooo!

ANONYDEATH: Female.

NEPTUNE: What? You took too long! I forgot what you said!

NOIRE: The culprit isn't a female?

ANONYDEATH: That's right my dear, the culprit is a male member of the Seven Sages.

NOIRE: ( _Shaking her head_ ) Ugh, what a waste of time… so the only ones left are, Copypaste and Mr. Badd, both of whom are in Lowee. Well, the rest is up to you Neptune. I need to go back to the Basilicom and take a bath, I feel disgusted… actually I don't think I'm ever taking a bath at the Basilicom ever again…

NEPTUNE: Okay then, time to pay little Blanc a visit.

UNI: ( _In a rush to leave_ )Finally, let's get outta here. Ew, I think I just stepped on some weird slime that was stuck on Noire's picture.

ANONYDEATH: Oh, that would be my special oil for my gears and levers.

NEPTUNE: Riiiiiight… okay let's go… no time to wast-

ANONYDEATH: Oh why are you leaving so soon my darling Noire? You don't want to spend a little more time with your favorite robot? Don't you want to ride your Anony across the hills of Lastation? Vroom, Vroom.

UNI: Ew… let's leave Noire! He just wants to get in your head again!

ANONYDEATH: Oh, it's not your head I want to get in Noire.

NEPTUNE: Okaaaaay… the psychological damage has been dealt, especially to me.

NOIRE: ( _Turning away_ ) Ugh… Let's just go…

ANONYDEATH: Wait Noire, I want you to be my special pilot, let's make our sync rates a hundred percent!

NEPTUNE: ( _Shivering_ ) Okay… you just crossed the special super-duper-nepper creeper line there buddy, the Uni "ew" counts, and the Noire "ugh" counts are over like nine thousand. Maybe we should cut off an arm or something, I'm sure he can just repair himself…

NOIRE: ( _Walking away_ ) Forget it… I'm too exhausted to get angry…

ANONYDEATH: Oh ho ho! Noire, my precious, our fates are forever entwined! We will meet again!

 _Noire, Neptune, and Uni make their way outside the dungeon, and are prepared to part ways. Noire is still shook up by the events, as Uni is consoling her. Neptune looks far and wide as she plans for her next move._

NEPTUNE: ( _With a big smile of gratitude on her face)_ Well, I really gotta thank you Noire, you went above and beyond for me there! Really unlike you to do so too!

NOIRE: ( _Turning red_ ) H-Hey! I-It's not l-like I did it for y-you or a-anything! I-I just didn't w-want you to end up on t-the streets!

NEPTUNE: ( _Mimicking Noire_ ) H-Hey! I-It's not like I-I'm thankful f-for w-what you d-did or a-anything!

UNI: ( _Giggling_ ) Hee hee hee, that sounds just like you Noire!

NOIRE: ( _Flustered_ ) H-Hey! Don't laugh, you're no better you know!

UNI: ( _Looking down_ ) S-Sorry…

NOIRE: I take it you're going to Lowee now to question to final two members of the Seven Sages.

NEPTUNE: Yeppers! It was a difficult and arduous journey through the land of tsunderes, but I finally made it! Time to see Blanc!

UNI: What about Planeptune! Are you sure you don't have to check up on Nepgear or anything? You think she can handle Planeptune all by herself? Do they even trust you to solve this mystery by yourself?

NEPTUNE: ( _Proudly_ ) Of course I can do it! I am the chosen one! Of course they believe in me!

 **SCENE: SIX**

 _Back in the training simulator in the Planeptune Basilicom, where Histoire and IF are working with Nepgear and Plutia._

HISTOIRE: I have no faith in Neptune at all! V.V You two better hurry up and hone your skills, I need you to replace Neptune as CPU of Planeptune immediately! O.O

IF: Histoire is right, I'd hate to say it but my confidence in Neptune solving the case by herself is really low. Are you guys ready for speech training again?

NEPGEAR: Yeah, we're ready… but why do we have to do speech training anyway, and also, why in three times gravity mode?

HISTOIRE: Well, if there's one thing that Neptune was good at as a CPU, it was having good speech skills and being able to rally the citizens up. o.O It's important for you two to develop this skill as well, and to have good charisma as a leader! V.V Also, the increased gravity is to help develop your vocal chords! V.V

IF: Yeaaaah… I'm not too sure about that last part. But Neptune always did have a lot of charisma, sometimes too much.

HISTOIRE: ( _Assertive_ ) Anyway, enough chit-chat, let's get to work! V.V

IF: Histoire and I will run a crowd simulation program, and we'll monitor how well you can deliver your lines, as well as making impromptu speeches. Your first assignment is to convince these crowds that you're a good CPU, try to catch their attention and don't leave them bored or disappointed. We'll judge you on your performance, and if it's not working, Histoire will hit the beeper.

NEPGEAR: ( _Surprised_ ) The beeper?

IF: Yep, if you get beeped, then that means you failed and have to try again from the start.

NEPGEAR: Oh… okay then…

IF: ( _Touching a few buttons on a wall panel to launch the simulation program_ ) Okay, you're first Gear, get your ass in gear!

NEPGEAR: ( _Very nervous_ ) Okay… um… wow, there's sure a lot of peopl-

HISTOIRE: ( _Hitting the beeper_ ) *beep* =.=

NEPGEAR: ( _Stuttering_ ) Oh Oh, already? S-Sorry, I didn't know we already started. H-Hi, my is N-Nepge-

HISTOIRE: ( _Hitting the beeper_ ) *beep* T.T

NEPGEAR: Oops! I guess that didn't do it huh? I am Nepgear! Planeptune's new CP-

HISTOIRE: ( _Hitting the beeper_ ) *beep* V.V

NEPGEAR: H-Hey! I didn't even get to-

HISTOIRE: ( _Hitting the beeper_ ) *beep* O.O

NEPGEAR: ( _Rapidly speaking_ ) I'm Nepgear and I want to be your CP-

HISTOIRE: ( _Hitting the beeper_ ) *beep* *.*

NEPGEAR: ( _A little frustrated_ ) Friends, Planeptunians, Countrymen, lend me your-

HISTOIRE: ( _Hitting the beeper_ ) *beep* I.I

NEPGEAR: I-I have a dream, that one day-

HISTOIRE: ( _Hitting the beeper_ ) *beep* '.'

NEPGEAR: Ask not what your country will do for you, but what you will-

HISTOIRE: ( _Hitting the beeper_ ) *beep* 0.0

NEPGEAR: F-Four score and seven years ago, our CPUs brought forth-

HISTOIRE: ( _Hitting the beeper_ ) *beep* V.V Enough Nepgear! 0.0 I think it's time for Plutia to have a try… =.=

NEPGEAR: ( _Stepping down_ ) O-Okay… S-Sorry, I guess I didn-

IF: ( _Interrupting her_ ) Beep! Heh heh… just kidding… sorry… I guess now I realize why Neptune does that a lot…

PLUTIA: ( _Getting on the virtual podium_ ) My name is Plutia, CPU of Planeptpoop! If you don't listen to me, I'm going to punish each and every one of you. First, no pants allowed! Second, if you don't laugh at my jokes, you get a whipping on the behind! Third, every week you have to bake me a cupcake or you get whipped twice! Fourth… uh… I… I dunno… I'm sleepy… time to take a nap. Good night!

IF: ( _Speechless_ ) …

NEPGEAR: ( _Speechless_ ) …

HISTOIRE: ( _Speechless_ ) … O.O


End file.
